Crap Joke fred.

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Sun Jun 23, 2019 3:51 pm

A bloke down the pub recently lent his best mate ten grand to get much needed cosmetic surgery done.
He's now moaning he can't get the money back - he hasn't the foggiest idea what he looks like.
( kfc )

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Wed Jul 03, 2019 9:24 pm

I went to the Greengrocer to get an onion for my casserole. He only had a small shrivelled looking one left on display-
"Is that all you've got ?"  I asked.
"Yes, that's shallot..." he said.
(tony b)
 

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Thu Aug 29, 2019 9:01 pm

Five fi' Fringe 19, that registered on the Crapometer: :)

1-Did you hear about the flea that went to the moon ? ..Lunatic.
[Felix & the Scootermen]

2- In his job my dad’s never lost a case. That makes him Gatwick’s top baggage handler.
[Glenn Moore]

3- My mate came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike competition. He was close, but no cigar.
[Goose]

4- After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging..
[Richard Pulsford]

5- To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian..
[Mark Simmons]

Adder
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Adder » Fri Sep 20, 2019 3:42 pm

Trudeau jokes are outImage

Sent from my Redmi Note 7 using Tapatalk

Adder
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Adder » Fri Sep 20, 2019 3:43 pm

"Caramba! I should've known it was Justin Trudeau!"Image

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Buggaluggs
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Buggaluggs » Fri Sep 20, 2019 6:56 pm

My local shop keeper is being hailed a hero. He took on a robber armed only with his label gun.

Police said the man got away. But there's a price on his head.

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Puja
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Puja » Sat Sep 21, 2019 9:03 pm

I keep getting the words yakuza and jacuzzi confused. Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

Puja
Backist Monk

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Wed Oct 09, 2019 11:13 pm

What might you get If you cross Elton John with a fish ?

a Piano Tuna.

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Puja
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Puja » Wed Oct 09, 2019 11:40 pm

It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub.

It's a thirty-five minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

Puja
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Buggaluggs
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Buggaluggs » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:39 pm

Puja wrote:It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub.

It's a thirty-five minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

Puja


Very good.
Image

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Which Tyler
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Which Tyler » Wed Oct 16, 2019 1:07 pm

A Scotsman walks into a bar...

Usually he'd be joined by an Englishamn, an Irishman and a Welshman - but they're all still in Japan

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Puja
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Puja » Wed Oct 16, 2019 2:25 pm

FB_IMG_1571232322070.jpg
FB_IMG_1571232322070.jpg (15.19 KiB) Viewed 3958 times


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Mellsblue
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Mellsblue » Thu Oct 17, 2019 5:28 pm

Pillaged straight from Tindall on House of Rugby, with a small change so it makes sense:

What’s the barrier stopping a Tier 2 side becoming a Tier 1 side?
Hadrian’s Wall.

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Thu Jun 25, 2020 7:04 am

Local police have warned of firm action if there are reports of any more illegal raves whilst restrictions are in place.They will not hesitate to intervene if those present are not spaced out enough.

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Thu Jun 25, 2020 7:24 am

-What type of sea-water fish has patterns of dots and dashes on it's back ?
-Morse Cod

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Which Tyler
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Which Tyler » Thu Jun 25, 2020 9:55 am

After seeing half a country reject wearing a mask during a pandemic, I would ike to apologise to the filmakers of every horror film ever made for calling their characters unbelievably dumb for going into the murder basement.

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Buggaluggs
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Buggaluggs » Thu Jun 25, 2020 7:56 pm

Last night my wife said to me, "You didn't listen to a word I said, did you?"
I thought, "That's an odd way to start a conversation"

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Fri Jun 26, 2020 2:43 pm

My wife has just sold the Dyson I bought her for Xmas -
she said it was just gathering dust.

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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Digby » Sun Jun 28, 2020 8:49 pm

Which Tyler wrote:After seeing half a country reject wearing a mask during a pandemic, I would ike to apologise to the filmakers of every horror film ever made for calling their characters unbelievably dumb for going into the murder basement.


I would like to think you're now to be found lurking in a dark cellar wearing a mask

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Wed Jul 01, 2020 10:45 am

It's International Joke day apparently :)

-What's green with four legs, and could kill you if it fell on you from a tree ?
- A billiard table

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Sun Jul 05, 2020 8:21 am

The Queen was reportedly seen in the grounds of Windsor Castle yesterday acknowledging cheers from the public. It was a brief appearance however, and the second wave was avoided.


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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Thu Jul 23, 2020 9:00 am

Image

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Buggaluggs
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Buggaluggs » Fri Jul 24, 2020 3:03 pm

My last vacation was in Egypt. I thought the pyramids were nice - up to a point.

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Mon Jul 27, 2020 8:43 pm

Man:  Just spent the weekend in Poole.
Friend:  In Dorset ?
Man:  Aye, recommend it to anyone..


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