Crap Joke fred.

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Wed Aug 05, 2020 10:38 pm

Scientists studying coronavirus transmission in different animal species have reported spikes in porcupine populations.

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Sun Aug 09, 2020 5:31 pm

Next week, I am going to try a different bread item every day.
Roll on Monday..
<kfc>
*****
With bread shortages affecting areas in total lockdown, police are concerned about dough smuggling.There are reports of rising cases in local airports.

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Buggaluggs
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Buggaluggs » Wed Sep 02, 2020 7:48 pm

Have you tried blind archery?

No?

You don't know what you're missing

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Puja
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Puja » Wed Sep 02, 2020 7:58 pm

Capture.jpg
Capture.jpg (35.35 KiB) Viewed 2306 times


Puja
Backist Monk

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Puja
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Puja » Wed Sep 02, 2020 7:59 pm

I met a girl with twelve nipples.
Sounds funny
Dozen tit.

Puja
Backist Monk

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Thu Sep 10, 2020 3:04 pm

Man in bar, to language student:
"I've been learning German for twenty years !"
Student: "Zwanzig jahren isn't it ?.."

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Thu Sep 10, 2020 3:17 pm

3 men stranded on a desert island dig up an old bottle on the beach that when opened, freed a Genie trapped for a thousand years..
"You have set me free after a long long time - In return I will grant each of you a free wish, anything you desire..."
Man 1:" I need to get off this island and get back home.."
He disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Man 2: "I too would like to go home, back to my family."
He was gone
Man 3: "I am feeling so lonely already, please could I have my friends back ?"

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Thu Jan 07, 2021 3:21 pm

My wife just applied for a job helping someone with a keyboard disability typing capital letters.It's shift work.

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Buggaluggs
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Buggaluggs » Sun Jan 10, 2021 5:43 pm

If you're here for the yodelling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.

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Puja
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Puja » Sun Jan 10, 2021 8:16 pm

Buggaluggs wrote:If you're here for the yodelling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.


That is truly terrible. Please excuse me while I share it with everyone I know.

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Buggaluggs
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Buggaluggs » Fri Jan 22, 2021 4:22 pm

I was once engaged to a girl with a wooden leg. She was really upset when I broke it off.

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morepork
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby morepork » Fri Jan 22, 2021 7:20 pm

I don’t like the term, “anal bleaching.” I prefer, “changing your ring tone.”


The drummer in my band has just had twin girls. He called them Anna One, Anna Two...

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Puja
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Puja » Fri Jan 22, 2021 7:26 pm

morepork wrote:I don’t like the term, “anal bleaching.” I prefer, “changing your ring tone.”


The drummer in my band has just had twin girls. He called them Anna One, Anna Two...


As you mentioned musicians, I've got a Slovakian friend who's a sound technician.

And a Czech one too, and a Czech one too.

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Buggaluggs
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Buggaluggs » Sat Jan 30, 2021 8:07 pm

My mum got a new stair lift. I asked her how she likes it.
Honestly, she said, it's driving me up the wall.

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Numbers
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Numbers » Tue Feb 02, 2021 11:47 am

There's been a theft of toilets from the local police station, unfortunately the police have nothing to go on.

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Spiffy
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Spiffy » Wed Feb 17, 2021 2:17 am

Buggaluggs wrote:I was once engaged to a girl with a wooden leg. She was really upset when I broke it off.
I don't know why, but that reminds me of a schoolboy joke that was ancient even when I were t'lad :

Hear about the gypsy with a glass eye?
His dad had a crystal ball.

Yes. It's still terrible.

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Wed Feb 17, 2021 8:44 am

Spiffy wrote:His dad had a crystal ball.

saw that one coming.. :|

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Fri Mar 05, 2021 10:11 pm

My lad recently took a weekend job at a local Italian restaurant, helping out in the kitchen.
He thought it would be ideal for him, but it only took 10 minutes for the penne to drop..

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Fri Mar 12, 2021 11:04 pm

My cousin had to sadly close his Power line installation business
because of the overheads.

Two politics students sitting by the pool:
'Read Marx ? ..'
'Yes - it's the whicker chairs.'

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Galfon
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Galfon » Thu Apr 29, 2021 4:11 pm

Man in restaurant: "I'm not sure what to go for..."
Waiter: "How about the duck ?"
Duck: "Just the lasagne for me."

<bob.m>

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Which Tyler
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Which Tyler » Thu Apr 29, 2021 5:16 pm

A small group of Romans walk into a pub.
One of them approaches the bar, holds up 2 fingers, and says "5 please"

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Spiffy
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Spiffy » Thu Apr 29, 2021 10:41 pm

Three vampires walk into a pub :

Barman : What are your having
First vampire : Pint of blood please
Second Vampire : Same for me
Third Vampire : Feeling a bit woosy tonight - just a pint of plasma
Barman : Right, so that's two bloods and a blood lite

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morepork
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby morepork » Sun May 02, 2021 8:17 pm

Spiffy wrote:Three vampires walk into a pub :

Barman : What are your having
First vampire : Pint of blood please
Second Vampire : Same for me
Third Vampire : Feeling a bit woosy tonight - just a pint of plasma
Barman : Right, so that's two bloods and a blood lite



That is so bad I want to slap you.

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Spiffy
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Re: Crap Joke fred.

Postby Spiffy » Mon May 03, 2021 5:20 pm

morepork wrote:
Spiffy wrote:Three vampires walk into a pub :

Barman : What are your having
First vampire : Pint of blood please
Second Vampire : Same for me
Third Vampire : Feeling a bit woosy tonight - just a pint of plasma
Barman : Right, so that's two bloods and a blood lite



That is so bad I want to slap you.
It is the crap joke thread, after all.


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